Working draft

Pre-show Musings…

The Aftermath: One Week Later

VH1 aired episode 9 beforehand and I’m still flabbergasted. Valentina was supposed to win it all. She was supposed to overtake Shea, and prove all these bitches that being new to drag doesn’t mean being busted. She certainly is about as put together as the rest of the remaining queens, but she truly did fuck it up last week. Valentina’s lack of preparation for the lip sync speaks volumes- “I’m pretty, I’m staying.” Valentina: “I never imagined this was the way it was to going end.”

Even though it’s Valentina, and I am forever obsessed, I know Ru was the right decision sending her home. You know a few things coming into drag race as  a contestant- there’s gonna be snatch fame, you have to sew (or at least construct) outfits and you will have to lip sync. Also, the whole of episode 9 was pretty awful.

Who’s Left?

So… With Valentina out… Who does everybody think is in the Top 3? For me, there’s such a clear divide the between good and bad of this season that I’m almost over watching this season ’til the semi-finals. What other shenanigans are there to be had in one season?

imho: Shea, Trinity, and Sasha are the clear leaders at this point. They win the challenges, they bring energy, and they are stylish fish. On the other hand, from the girls left, Peppermint has really grown on me and grown as a performer during the competition. I don’t think she’ll end up Top 3 but if she did she’d replace Sasha. Nina and Alexis are lucky. Alexis because… well, I just don’t think she’s at the same level as the other girls and Nina because she literally isn’t worth the energy it takes to make her feel good.


Showtime!!

In The Workroom

OK, so it’s 7pm and this is really the start of the episode. I am at JR’s with my gays, and we’re all really wondering what the other queens are going to say about Valentina… Their interviews prior to Valentina’s elimination are rough. Of course they were. They were so jealous of that baby drag superstar. Surprisingly, they’re all just as shocked as we are. But, there’s no real time to dwell on Val’s departure because Nina literally sucks the empathetic energy out of the room. She feels horrible for sending Valentina home, and feels like she probably was the one who deserved to go.

imho: I mean, I get it… We all do… It’s her self doubt manifesting itself in these really self deprecating comments she likes to state as fact. But, this is also a com-pe-ti-tion. Even Alexis and Farrah had heaps more confidence. If you can’t love yourself… how in the hell are you gonna love anybody else, right? Oh. Also. It’s episode 10… There are only 5 other girls left. C’mon… Oh, and from the way it’s edited anyway… She is belligerent about vocalizing her paranoia “let me finish before you curse me out…” so it all seems just a little manipulative. Girl, tell me what happened in Atlanta? I want to know why you hurt so.

The other girls try to root for her until Peppermint abruptly ends the conversation and walks away. “I need to make you feel good because you did a great job?” It doesn’t make sense. Sasha chimes in: “This is not group therapy. We cannot fight for her.” And, Ms. Trinity, always concise: “She needs to go home… I’m over it.”

You’re on your own, Nina Bo’Nina Brown Kennedy Onassis.

Maxi Challenge #RuCrewMakeovers

Another episode senza Mini Challenge (sigh…) but, I love Ru’s grape vine suit that he wears to announce the Maxi. The girls are going to makeover the PA’s of the show! #RuCrewMakeovers

Because they won the previous challenge, Shea and Sasha pair up the queens and the PAs.

Peppermint + Sarge (stocky, very sassy)
Sarge: “I love document these life stories.” Hes open. Here’s sassy. Ru seems to love him.

Nina + Aaron
Nina wants to bring out both of their artistic sides. However, despite actual sewing skill and knowledge, she wants to create their outfits by… sewing them. (Trinity: This is not the time to learn to sew) Shea, despite their beef, decides to help as much as she can because she knows this is a little beyond Nina’s comfort level... Nina wants to do more prosthetics- White Rabbit themed looks. HMM. Aaron tells Nina she’s jeopardizing yourself. “have you always been this way growing up?” 

Trinity + Rizzo
She’s so nasty! “how do you feel about tucking?” Her number one is a FIERCE TUCK. WITH DUCT TAPE. They’re both really cute and acting silly. Ru remarks about how she’s proud that Trinity, despite being a pageant queen, was able to teach and engage a non-drag gay in drag. 

Alexis + Brady
Hes straight but has learned about that drag is more than just a dude in a dress. It’s cute, actually. There’s “Comedic drag… Runway drag… Fish!” which elicits the coveted giggles from Ru. But, he’s partnered with Alexis… We’ll see.

Shea + Josh
Shea chose Josh for the family resemblance. However, Josh cannot walk in heels. Like… Not at all. Trinity asks, “Have you ever seen a dog walk in snow?” Which… is not far from the truth. 

Sasha + Duncan
Handpicked for herself because she wants to bring out the playful side of this brave daddy. Ooh. But, Duncan does warn her not to over intellectualize things. But, Duncan also seems very happy to be paired with Sasha: “Duncan’s feeling the fantasy” as he examines his face with a Little Mermaid red wig. It’s adorable.

A Twist!

As a duet, a lip sync to Ru’s “Click Clack”  must be prepared.

legitimate question: do you think Ru added that little bit in after last episode? Like a warning: “Bitches, you better not any parts of your c.u.n.t. and you better remember the basics.”

Runway:
This is the BEST Mama Ru has looked all season. A one-of-a-kind hand painted gown by guest judge, Zaldy. What is this look? It’s really quite breathtaking. The Japanese on the gown is a collection of Drag Race sayings. Worthy of a spot at the Met Gala…

The judges this episode are Michelle Visage, Ross Matthews, Zaldy and America’s favorite, Kesha.

Challenge Execution + Judges’ Critiques (Scribbles) 
Trinity and her sister, Glittafa Dayz Ru is impressed that Trinity really took Glittafa under her wing, and taught her sister so well. They are adorable. And, showing a lot of ass in their swimsuits… illuminating their immaculate tucks. Glittafa: “The Pain is real.” They look like they’re having fun lip syncing to Click Clack. 

Shea and Bae Coulee: while Kesha says it’s “old Hollywood glam”, Michelle says it reads more “star sister and the other sister” yikes. Throughout the runway and the lipsync, it’s actually a bit a of a mess. Bae’s wig was all over the place on her face. But, Bae also says Shea did great. Gotta get support from your sisters if anything…
Oh, no… Shea underwhelmed.

Alexis + Ry Anne Stardust: MADE HER LOOK LIKE THE OLD SISTER. Ru “the nails scream I am a slut” which is about the nicest thing said about their performance… Zaldy “Halloween costume in a bag” and “unfresh“. Ross says “she should go” is anyone else thinking that Ry Anne’s hair and jumpsuit was all ready worn in a previous episode? #clockable

Nina +Ariana as Bunny Rabbits
Ru:”A family that drags together slays together”, but, all of them think there’s a huge disconnect within the whole look. It’s not particularly thought out, or very clean. Ross is hopeful that she’ll “bring it at a 10” while Michelle is no longer charmed- “I’m done with it” Kesha “the ears look like they’ve been rained on” I think it’s a little sloppy… And, you can’t do camp/prosthetic drag sloppily because it ruins the whole illusion.

Sasha + DONATELLA VELOUR.
They look like sisters because of those iconic eyebrows. Kesha: so high fashion. Zaldy loves it and Ross comments on how Sasha’s finally having fun in the competition and letting loose. She did look more relaxed. During the lip sync, she had fun! But, can she do a “sexy” lip sync haha? 

Peppermint +Winter Green. Feeling their fantasea even though I hate the outfits. Michelle “the outfits clash but I don’t care. You should thank Winter Green.”Ru says Winter Green is the MVP of the episode. She made Peppermint look better- Ross says: “Peppermint better be kissing feet.”

sidenote: Completely forgot about Valentina by now. You? The show did, surprisingly go on! And, it’s better than before. We fans have a lot of love to give, but we’re fickle as fuck.

The Top:

Trinity wins! I think it was close between Trinity and Peppermint. But, the judges like what Winter Green, or Sarge did with Peppermint’s drag and not how Peppermint transformed Sarge.

Sasha is safe.

Bottoms

At the bottom: Alexis, Nina, and Shea.

Lip Sync:

Nina looks annoyed. But, she has to lip sync… And, I booed the screen when they announced it was Shea against her. Alexis should thank her lucky stars for one more week. However, when Demi’s Cool of The Summer track begins, and they’re lip syncing. They’re both kind of boring. I’m thinking “oh.. is Ru going to say that neither has the passion or drive to continue?” But, of the two, I guess Nina looks like she is more over it. At least, Shea is throwing in a few tricks… Just not very exciting tricks for this song.

In the end, Nina gets her wish to be eliminated…

imho: Ru needs to make an announcement. Do NOT throw these lip syncs. Such expensive douchebaggery. Just save the performance fee and walk off the stage.
Next!!

Working Draft: Recap RuPaul’s Drag Race Ep. 8, #RuPaulsRoast

Hello hello hello, ladies and gays!

Last episode we lost Aja in a tragic but fierce lip sync against Nina Bo’Nina Brown Rodham Clinton. It was simply her time. But, now… it’s Farrah’s time. If it’s not this episode I just can’t watch anymore. Keep reading to see if that’s a spoiler.

“If you haven’t won a challenge… Why Are You Here?”

It’s a fair question posed by Peppermint. Back in the workroom, the girls keep score. Let’s see. Shea and Trinity are in the lead tied with the most wins- 2 each. On the other end of the spectrum, tied with 0 wins are Peppermint and Farrah.

Reading Is Fundamental

The Mini Challenge is the baby version of the roast (the queens don’t know that at this point, though). It happens every season- The Reading Challenge. Because reading is what? (beat) fundamental! Where the divide between shady and mean become blurred and everybody has to have a thick skin. But, not “thick skin” like the way all the queens keep reading Alexis for. I’m kidding, Alexis!

please note: Alexis Michelle is not fat, y’bitches. As the world’s first and only  @Petiteplussizedmalesupermodel, I actually commiserate with her self consciousness (which, yes, annoys me). And all of the other queens are so skinny. It must be hard to be the biggest girl by default.

(Scribbles)

Sasha: I’m always nervous because she prides herself in being so prim and proper… and not funny. But, her character really lends itself to her shade here. Good!

Peppermint: She must be good at public speaking during her shows. She has a really great rhythm to her reads. I don’t feel uncomfortable for her reads.

Valentina: Of course, Valentina gets the most airtime!! Ru shows the majority of her reads. She does make a fat joke about Alexis.

Nina: BMW Body Made Wrong toward Alexis.

Farrah: another fat joke. She’s the last, and she runs over to hug Alexis. But, Alexis is not accepting.

Alexis is really miffed about the fat jokes. She is visibly pissed.

Valentina wins the Reading Challenge. Yay!

MAXI CHALLENGE: THE RUPAUL ROAST

Ru announces the Maxi Challenge!! We all know from the preview that it is the #RuPaulRoast. But, the Guest or Honor is Michelle Visage! I love it. What a great way to honor Ru’s right hand woman.

Mini Challenge winner, Valentina gets to choose the order of the roast.

I volunteer as tribute

Alexis is salted from the mini challenge: “I just would have preferred to not deal with body image.” But, she still suggests she go first or last due to the high pressured nature of the position. This is where Alexis loses me. She so wants to be seen as first pick and leader of the pack when her track record just doesn’t hold up. And, I so want her to fill that position because of her Broadway love. But, I’m also thinking a roast is right up her alley…

In The Work Room

This is a tough challenge. How do you prepare for a roast? For one of your judges… At least with someone like Momma Visage you know she’d want the savage factor turned all the way up. Then, for some of the… less funny queens, how do you make it funny?

Nina: “Aja may have been lucky to get out of here…”

The mentoring session is with Ru and Ross Matthews. I was hoping there’d be a coaching session or at least a rehearsal on stage… but, I guess the budget didn’t allow.

Valentina says she can’t do it but we all know she can! The other queens are still not convinced of her perfection. Shea: “Guadalupe isnt going to write those jokes for you.”

about shea: No shade, no tea, no facts to back this up… But, I think Shea is going to win this season. Or, at least top 3. I’m on her side. She’s gorgeous. She’s funny. She can dance. And, the producers obviously love her because she’s about half of the sound bites per episode. But, I also low key hate her because she seems to really think Valentina is not at her level. You’re wrong for it, Shady Shea! You know you are!

Alexis admits to Ru that she’s “disappointed” because it seems all her sisters couldn’t come up with reading material not dealing with her weight. She has had self image issues which she’s revealed to the girls, so it’s a low blow…

Ru’s not really having it.

This isn’t RuPaul’s Best Friends Race!

Do you think Ru had seen all the raw footage at this point? Alexis says some cra-a-a-azy things about herself and her competitors virtually every episode. So, I’m sure it was very surprising to see that she couldn’t handle being read. I mean, I kind of think the sensitive subject of weight was the nicer topics they could’ve brought up. Off the top of my head I can think of 4 other clockable things about Alexis. One of them being her ego.

Ru poses the thought on everybody’s mind: “You think it’s ok to make fun of other people but, not make fun of you.”

R.I.P. I can’t believe Ru said that. But, I’m glad she did!

Ross tells Farrah to make it work. Basically telling her to make her “personality” work in the challenge. Ru: “You might come on the bottom.” #Phrasing

Peppermint: both Ru and Ross warn her that she’s missed the mark every acting challenge. She has to do well in this one.

Sasha: Serious and Analytical drag. I didn’t know that was a thing. I’ve kinda fallen out of love with Sasha but she’s growing on me. “Make sure you make us laugh.”

In The Workroom

I’m beginning to zone out during this part of the episode. These stories VH1 is force feeding us. They sometimes enhance the story. Typically, one of the queens will tell a story that relates to a hot topic issue within the LGBTQIA community. Sometimes, however, these stories are simply shoved into this part of the show because it’s… that part of the show. It’s a bit formulaic, VH1… And, tonight… on first viewing I was so annoyed that I knew they’d do this segment I didn’t watch.

I forced myself the second time. Sasha lived in Russia off and on for 2 years. So, she couldn’t do drag. Peppermint had to de-wig to prove her identity at a Russian airport holding center because her passport photo is her in boy drag, and she presents herself as a woman.

Runway

THERE’S NO RUNWAY THEME THIS EPISODE. Gross.

I like Ru’s wrapping paper dress, and her Dolly Parton wig is everything.T

Guest Judges are Tamar Baxton and Fortune Feimster

Michelle looks genuinely surprised and honored to be the Guest of Honor. I love her!

These are my scribbles.

Shea opens he show with ZINGERS. Good energy. Sets up vibe well.

SASHA IS GOOD. They show a lot of her segment. And her Ladies Who Lunch vibe is killing it with the audience. Also, that chapeau is everything.

Valentina goes there. Tells Ross she wants a hamster version of him shoved up her ass.

Trinity comes out in trailer trash drag and a large tooth gap. Ends with a poop joke.

Farrah actually makes the audience groan. So… We all know now, right? Farrah’s not good. Isn’t this… proof? She relies on pretty! She’s sighing after every joke.

PEPPERMINT MAKES TAMAR SCREAM. SHE IS GOOD. What “experience” are you lacking, again? She looks gorgeous, too.

NINA is doing great aunt drag. This bitch painted on glasses. Makes Tamar laugh.

Alexis closes the show. I couldn’t watch. I could barely listen. Not one joke lands. 😦 And she’s painted green. Is she Elphaba?

Tops and Bottoms

The safe queens are Shea, Valentina and Nina!!

Sasha: All the judges gush over her performance. And, it’s true. She made “serious” really entertaining.

Trinity is called out for not ever looking comfortable, which she attributes to the Botox.

Farrah: Michelle tries to be nice, but Ross: “I would call it fucked up.” Because she didn’t commit to any one direction or character.

Peppermint: They gush. Ross: “You brought the energy.” Tamar says she was amazing.

Alexis: Michelle is savage! “I literally forgot there’s was an audience here. They were so quiet.” I love it. It just didn’t work at all.

Deliberations 

Sasha: Tamar “she was smart about being smart.”

Trinity: Fortune “The Father, Son and Holy Ghost were not with Trinity.”

Farrah: The judges come to the concensus (finally) that “she doesn’t know who he is.” And I LOVE that Tamar agrees with “Not at all.”

Peppermint: Tamar “She was the highlight of my night.”

Alexis: Tamar hates her green paint! “Who in the hell left the gate open” HAHAHA and Ross shows he drew a of a bomb for his notes on her performance. Savage!

Winner

PEPPERMINT wins her first challenge!

THE LIP SYNC

Ru tells Farrah she made us Moan for all the wrong reasons.

Alexis will lip sync against her.

At the beginning, I think it’s obvious. But, as it goes along, I think Ru must’ve suddenly been thinking “Oh, God… This is close…” But, then Alexis did a running split slide and I think the competition was over.

Alexis stays. She looks shaken. Which means one of two things, she’s either reached the end of her rope or she’s going to be reborn like a Nina Bo’Nina Pheonixes Rise Out Of The Ashes Brown.

Bye, Farrah!!

Next.

Working Rough Draft: RuPaul’s Drag Race Ep. 6 ReCap

Hello hello hello, ladies and gays.

Let’s just take a moment to quiet our hearts and minds. What a (metaphorically) sobering week it has been in the aftermath of episode 5. Ru left us dizzy. Dizzy and depressed. After a lackluster bottom two lip sync between Cucu and Farrah, I was fairly certain pretty (…pretty boring!!) Farrah was going to sashay away- It really could’ve been both of them. However, it was Eureka, my favorite Southern Catfish Big Girl Queen that was surprisingly called forward from the back to hobble forward on her crutches to the front of the stage despite not even being close to the bottom three. I clutched my literal pearls and had to wipe away a Nina Bo’nina-esque tear as Ru told her she has to leave the competition, but also offers her a standing invitation to Season 10. Such good television.

Drag Race just isn’t ready for a big girl to win.

So, Season 10: Watch. Out. Skinny. Bitches.

After Eureka’s Departure or “Let’s Attack Nina Bo’Nina Brown”

This week’s episode started with some of the queens judging Nina and her defensive, me-against-the-world attitude. I understand. She’s aggressive. And, if you follow Nina on social media, she doesn’t mind serving the crazies some crazy…

But, maybe even more surprising, why the hell is whiny Farrah the one instigating this fight? Farrah, pouting, asks “Nina, do you really want to be here?” Always a pointed question that always garners a pointed answer. A succinct “really bitch?” is Nina’s response. But what gets me most, is Farrah’s confessional. We’ve definitely seen Nina get down on herself a lot in this season all ready, but, as Nina puts it (paraphrased), she gets down on only herself really… She does not really bring down others. Shea backs up Nina and her drive, too. But, Farrah is “so over” Nina’s self doubt. Bye. I mean… Isn’t this… like… a perfect example of white privilege and ignorance? Nina’s issues are not you’re story, Farrah.

Ok… Yes, I pushed it to race. Sorry I’m NOT sorry. It’s hard not to sometimes when you see a little white man reducing a man of color’s personal demons to trivial self-induced problems. Check your privelege, brah.

Alexis Michelle Is The Most (Overly) Confident Queen This Season

Alexis congratulates Shea’s top dog work as Blac Chyna last episode but laments “If I had rocked that runway a little harder I would have been on top.” Watch ANY Untucked. She will just give her opinion like it’s… warranted. Eureka in one of their Illusions Lounge kikis ranks Alexis as THE most annoying queen. HAHA! But, I will say Alexis has a point about her bottoms this week: Nina (for attitude), Farrah (for general lack of… charisma?) and Cucu (for only being able to act like… herself).

And we all know what this episode is…

#SnatchGame

This is the best Maxi Challenge. Actually, it’s the best reality show challenge in general. Snatch Game happens every season. The queens have to pick a famous woman and play a few rounds of a talk show game similar to Match Game. Ru says that it will “Separate the Basic Bitches from the FIERCE ASS QUEENS” because it challenges the Queens to stretch their C.U.N.T.

Creativity
Uniqueness
Nerve
Talent

Not an easy order after 9 seasons. It’s like all the good ideas are gone…

Conversations Overheard In The Workroom

Peppermint is preparing Nene Leakes- she explains that she’s inexperienced at impersonations. (But, isn’t that what drag is? Come to think of it, isn’t that what life is?)

When Ru hears Sasha’s Judith Butler: “I’m glad you’re doing Marlene Dietrich…”

Alexis reveals that a huge part of her drag inspiration is Liza Minelli. Ru is happily speechless: “Finally!!” I actually totally see that and understand her aesthetic more clearly. Liza is a drag queen herself. And, Liza’s personality would definitely inspire someone like Alexis: “I have to make them see I’m a STAR.”

When Cucu does Sofia Vergara drag: “When are you going to start doing Sophia?” ZING. Oops. Sorry, Cynthia.

If You Can’t Love Yourself…

One of the more touching moments of the workroom start when Ru calls out Nina and her self-deprecating inner monologue. “You have to shut up that voice.” You know Ru likes a queen and thinks they’re talented when he takes the time to talk them off the ledge on camera. While Nina is crazy, I’m glad she knows Ru loves her: “He believes in me…I do not want to disappoint that man.” I hope that it brings a positive change for Nina.

SnaAaAtch GaAaAame Execution

The celebrity contestants are Denis O’Hare and Candis Cayne

Quick notes:

Top Row (L-R)

Trinity as Amanda Lepore and her plastic body- “I’m moving it right now.”

Sasha as Marlene Dietrich-Actually really funny. Jokes are on the long side… But they all punch. Hmm.

Aja as Alyssa Edwards is mostly… forgettable.

Nina as salty queen Jasmine Masters in the corner rocks every answer. Ru says, “hello,” and Jasmine responds saltily “Hey, bitch”- I’m dead all ready. What’s the next season of American Horror Story? “If it’s not on BET I don’t know what it is.” Do you like cats?”I don’t own a cat, they sense evil.” The shade of it all. I don’t even know all of it. But it’s a forest of trees.

Farrah disappoints as Gigi Gorgeous “You can never wear too much hightlighter.” Flat answers time and time again.

Bottom Row

Alexis as Liza with a Z – She literally just quotes her favorite songs. But it’s amazing. Not only does she kinda look like her, but Alexis exudes Liza’s absolute distaste for reality and sanity. Her jazz hands and legs.

Peppermint as Nene Leakes put me to sleep. She was boozy and slow “bloop…” Michelle said “bloop” was the only way she could identify her as Nene.

Valentina as Miss Universe Colombia is insane. She remains in character the whole time. Beginning with her flashback to Miss Universe, she screams “Is that Steve Harvey?” to her lament “I can never win anything” she’s a riot.

Shea as Naomi Campbell is gorgeous.

Cucu makes no sense as Sofia Vergara.

Overall, it was a little boring.

RuPaul’s Best Group Therapy

Back in the workroom, Peppermint officially comes out as a trans woman to all of the girls. It’s 6 episodes in, but she admits “I was afraid.” But these girls are nothing if not a supportive group of Queens. Peppermint tells her story about her exploration of gender led to “all the drag things…” but circumvented and “led back to the realization that I’m a trans-woman.”

“I’m so happy right noooooow.” And, we’re happy that you’re being your true self, Ms. Peppermint!

“Night of 1000 Madonna’s” or “Kimono She Betta Don’t”
Question: Are we allowed to “judge” Mama Ru? I have been this whole time… And, this season it’s hit or miss with her dresses and makeup. This week, I don’t love Ru’s metallic fringe dress. And, I think her makeup is also metallic in HD. Raven Hunty!! WHats happening??Her hair and wig line though is and always is un-clockable. And, yes, hater. I realize it could be because he is bald… the wig could be placed anywhere and be blended in to a passable edge…. This week, it’s a light faded baby pink (at least, in HD). What I really wish is that the white church ladies in the choir would take half the amount of time and care that I’m sure Ru(‘s makeup team) takes. I can name more women than the number of toes I have (7) that confidently arrive at church sporting crooked, loosely fastened wigs. Do not give in. These crones are boldly testing you to not be judgy and superficial on a Sunday. Alas.

Michelle Visage, Ross Matthews (subbing for Carson Kressley) and the two guest judges are yesterday’s celebrity Snatch Game contestants, Denis O’Hare and Candis Cayne.

Still a fast runway. These are my translated scribbles.

Aja- Party City Ruffles. Red.

Alexis Michelle as Breathless Mahoney. Dress is painted on.

Peppermint is more Marilyn than Madonna in this music video look.

Shea comes out as Marilyn Madonna too. Oops.

Trinity- Met Gala Punk look “My Madonna is the only Madonna.”

Nina serves a “black version of Madonna” but is the same Met Gala look as Trinity’s. Another twin.

side note: How does this happen? How are there two sets of identical looks. Did they all just agree to surprise each other at the runway. Maybe I’m overestimating my styling, sewing and other general costuming and makeup skills… But, if I looked around the workroom and saw someone wearing exactly my look. I’d just pick something else, or break their legs. Just like Trinity did to Eureka earlier in the season(just kiddin’).

Sasha’s Dominatrix Madonna features rubber nipples, a corset and a whip. All black and white. She’s proud to finally show off her heavy model stomp.

Farrah self toots her Cleopatra Madonna drag as “probably the best one here.” But I have a question: Did you sew or construct any of that? Asking for my friends!

Cucu in her Brit Awards look falls down. Was it on purpose? I didn’t realize it before her lip sync last episode but her movements are kind of weird. They’re big and… sensual? They’re not subtle.

Valentina’s look is her buck ass naked body with black censor bars over her chest and weiner. She gives us full cakes in the back. I can’t with her/him. She’s a star. I would let her starfish (think fist, but open palm) me any day of the week.

The Judge’s Critiques and Deliberations

For some reason, Valentina is just safe. Anyway… Her look alone should make her my top. I mean… a top. I mean… one of the tops.

The Tops

Sasha – Denis gives her a “Brava” and admits he couldn’t keep his eyes off Sasha’s rubber nipples.

Alexis – They all loved her Liza. Obviously. And, today’s Breathless Mahoney drag is killer. She looks really beautiful today. She’s growing on me, I wish I just hadn’t heard all the weird commentary she’s given in the earlier episodes… Ross says he sees real momentum with her and to keep it up.

Nina – Denis: “You played by your own rules… I thought that was really, really cool.” And, Michelle “It was a big step forward for Nina” attitude wise. Phew!

The Bottoms

Farrah – Ru calls out her inexperience and youth by quoting what others had said to her as a youngun: “You get one chance, you betta take it!” The costume is really pretty I guess… But isn’t that relying on pretty? And, her face literally isn’t beat any different than it ever has been. I want to know if she’s at least creative with makeup. Right?

Cucu – Candis: loves her “boy-drag-drag-girl” bolero pant suit concept. But, Michelle and the TV didn’t lie… She’s painted on an “Almost mustache.” No one likes her Sofia Vergara… Michelle: “I don’t think there was one joke in there.”

Peppermint – Michelle calls out her pink (her terrible, bubblegum pink) looks for the last three weeks, and no one really likes her performing. Ross: “It hasn’t been able to cross the finish line.” I have to agree. Each challenge, she’s passable at best… But, when she’s bad- and she was bad as Nene Leakes, it’s terrible. Michelle: “It was the worst.”

side note: I totally agree with Michelle: “I Don’t Like It When These Queens Do Other Queens.” And, Candis advises them to choose someone outside their comfort zone. Totally agree. It’s a cop out. I want to know if these queens have interests outside of… doing drag.

And The Winner is: Alexis. And, she breaks down in tears. I think she’ll go home next episode now. Calling it! No particular reason why except I think she’s played her best cards like BenDeLaCreme or Robbie Turner… and now it’s time for her to go.

The Lip Sync

To the surprise of sensical RPDR fans everywhere… It’s Cucu versus Peppermint.

What. The. ****.

What. The… AAAAAAAAAAAH.

Farrah Moan is OFFICIALLY the luckiest queen in RPDR herstory and I could not be more mad about it.

Then, Madonna’s “Music” soundtrack starts. At first, I think it’s a match because Cucu can’t really dance and Peppermint is tame. Then, Peppermint starts killing Cucu. Now, I don’t mean to say she can dance… She dances like a white boy at prom- like, she’s thinking “Damn, I can’t do that move… but I can shuffle across the stage like crab.” There are like… twelve memes trending right now. And, it was a complete surprise. She hasn’t given off that type or level of performance energy yet. Maybe this lip sync was exactly what she needed!!

Sadly, Poor Cynthia is just not as good. She doesn’t know the words, and I think she gave her all last lip sync, so there was less oomf and surprise here. It could not be more clear with the amount of airtime they didn’t give her. She mostly given 2 second snippets. She has a closeup during the lyric “bourgeoisie” and she clearly mouths “wah wah wee” instead. Props to her jump split.

Ru eliminates Cucu.

Next!

Ps. I call Alexis as the next eliminated queen. And, Nina will win the challenge. I have no basis for these claims. Let’s just see if I’m right. Farrah, I guess will win the whole damn show- just kidding on this one. But, she won’t leave yet.

RuPaul’s Drag Race Ep. 5 Kardashian, The Musical

Hello hello hello, ladies and gays!

This episode was a doozy at the very last second. I literally ugly cried. But, there was a whole lotta episode first. Back in the work room after last week’s elimination, Trinity wastes no time erasing Charlie’s lipstick message.

Trinity asks something that I think has been on everybody’s mind: “Why didn’t charlie put up a fight?”

Does anyone know? Basic Google research finds: she had a broken rib. Ooh.

When asked what it was like to be thrown under the bus by her teammates. Trinity responds: “I was the team captain. And, that’s the reason why I should be in the bottom, and not for other reasons…”

But, I think she misses the whole reason why she was in the bottom. She was the leader of her group… so there’s a bulls eye on her head. And, her team did poorly. Whatever other reasons her teammates found… she should’ve just kept her mouth shut. It’s a little crazy and paranoid. Am I missing something?

Alexis laments being safe all the time: “It’s now time for me to turn up the volume. I have to rise to the top.”

Nina also shows her paranoid self conscious side: “I wouldn’t mind seeing certain people struggle a little bit.”

Other than that though, I think these girls are nicer to one another. Haha!

… Enter Ru and…

The Mini Challenge is back!! I am so happy! I have been waiting for these. They require quick bursts of creativity. And, it’s even better because it’s “Featuring hot bulging mens-es-es.” They have to take a sexy selfie with a selfie stick in “quick drag”. These go fast though, so I didn’t have a lot of time to jot things down.

Quick notes:

Alexis looks older in drag than when out. At some angles like Amy Schumer.

Cucu: not so good. Her photo is blurry!

Valentina: adorably asks Ru to introducer her as Ms. Venezuela. She’s always living in full fantasy mode. Why is she so beautiful? She’s a cholo homeboy, too.

Winner: Alexis “Sorry that my swimsuit selfie game is so strong… Not sorry.”

Ok…

The Maxi Challenge

Broadway’s Newest Mega Sensation: #KardashianTheMusical

The roles are picked by Mini Challenge winner, Alexis, and her casting is pretty good but doesn’t please all:

The premiere cast is:

Kris Jenner…………………Alexis Michelle– OK Musical Theatre Queen. Whatchu Got??

Kim Kardashian………..Cynthia Lee Fontaine

Khloe Kardashian……..Nina Bo’Nina Brown– Shaking her head and giving bitch face: “I don’t see it for me…” She seems pissed right away. She wanted Blac Chyna and she seems closed off. What is happening? Nina is getting caught UP in this drama. I am sad about the attitude. He feels that he’s being ganged up on. But, Peppermint puts it best: “There’s only one black Chyna and three black girls…”

Kortney Kardashian….Aja

Britney Spears……………Peppermint– “I don’t even get a Jenner! My black ass is playing Britney Motherfucking Spears” Fair enough.

Lindsay Lohan…………….Sasha Velour

Paris Hilton………………….Trinity Mattel

Kendall Jenner……………..Valentina

Kylie Jenner………………….Farrah Moan– Haha!

Northwest…………………….Eureka

Eureka Aka Kerri Strug

It’s been weeks since the cheer leading challenge. But, she really did pull a Kerri Strug bopping onto her bussy the other week. She gave it all that week but didn’t even know it. He needs crutches to walks. He has a beautiful, positive, “can do” spirit. I want her to win!

“When life gives you lemons… You take rhinestones and cover up that lemon.”

Todrick Hall Choreo Session Quick Notes:

He works Eureka’s disability. All upper body and face.

Shea rocks out some old school 90’s moves. Looks hot doing it.

Nina: “I was kind of hoping for her trip a little bit… but, she didn’t trip… so, what can I say?” Nothing, gurl.

Cynthia, Aja and Nina are struggling. Nina with her bad attitude, Cucu with her crazy-but-cute cluelessness, and Aja with her bad dancing. “You’re killing cockroaches!”

Todrick is not having it with Nina’s bitchiness. “Tomorrow, I’m gonna need all that gone.”

Farrah and Valentina struggle with basic clapping patty cake choreophy. But it’s mostly Farrah.

Elimination Day

Workroom Gossip

“RuPaul’s Best Group Therapy”

Eureka apologizes to Sasha and Valentinaabout her attitude in the previous episode, and her mocking eating disorders. They take it gracefully and open up about their struggles, past and ongoing with anorexia. Shea also reveals her past struggles with bulimia. I’m glad they did. They appear and give off such positive and self confident personas… to know they struggle humanizes them. I love this show so damn much.

The Runway

Judges

The best look from Ru yet! So good. Breath stolen. Legs and mouth agape. Eyes shut.

Toddrick Hall and Meghan Trainor guest judge.

Execution of Kardashian, The Musical

I am a vocal anti-Kardashian gay. Sorry not sorry. So, the musical is pointless herstory lesson. But…. it’s a long lipsync to a Hamilton-esque soundtrack. So, my body’s ready.

Quick notes:

Peppermint is hilarious as Britney. She doesn’t look like her but she’s embodying her crazy! I especially love her costume. Paris (Trinity) and Lindsay (Sasha) are just not like the most exciting characters to play next to her crazy ass. So they’re “safe” but they’re not doing bad.

This was a fun challenge and the two ladies I worked most with for it made it even better!

A post shared by Trinity "The Tuck" Taylor (@trinitythetuck) on

Cucu as Kim does not know her words…

Alexis as Kris has great stage presence. Which I am EXPECTING from a musical theatre queen.

Nina shook off whatever was wrong with her and delivers. Aja as Kortney is fine. But Cucu is just clueless still.

Kendall and Kylie are held UP by Valentina and Kris’s side reactions. Farrah seems to be trying, though. It’s just not great?

Shea as Black Chyna is amazing. She’d win an actual Tony for her small part. She has the energy of an explosion then just walks off. Incredible. I laughed through the whole damn segment. She can dance AND she knows her speed rap.

I do NOT know what I was expecting from Eureka as Northwest. Not that. But, I was howling. But I did see how she was glued in one place.

I LOVED THE BACK UP SINGERS lipsyncing but why was everything singing AH and Farrah an OOh.

Alexis is really amazing! She’s giving it. It’s too bad she gave Shea such a good surprising role.

Runway Theme: Faux Fur

Peppermint: Pink puffies and boring skirt. Eh…

Trinity: Savage realness. Beaver and pelts.

Sasha: Russian. Again. Meh…

Alexis: I like the coat. But the overall look is pedestrian.

Cucu: Her fur maxi dress swallows her

Nina: Great! Very 90’s. I love what she does with her boobs. Her boobwork is en pointe.

Aja: She clocked Valentina for a souped up bikini a few episodes ago. And she’s wearing a bikini and white fur.

Valentina is perfect: Like a 40’s starlet in snake print, brown fur draped off her arms and big helmet hair.

Farrah: Lol. “Fraggle Rock Fashion.” Lime green look with heavy gold fringe armor type thing and bright cartoon red hair.

Shea: Expensive. Pink Di$count Universe. Dress has monster eyes on it.

Eureka: “Stop relying on those… crutches.” But the look is good. A bright pink body suit with fur shoulder pads.

Judges Deliberations

Pepper: Carson “Totally nailed it” but Michelle clocks the skirt as an afterthought.

Alexis: Michelle sums it up pretty well “Bitch you turned it out… (as Kris) but hated your look today. Step it up because that Kris Jenner is the business.”

Cucu: Both her look and her performance were bad… 😦 Sorry, cucu.

Nina: Carson: “Mary J. Blige going to get milk.” But Todrick calls her out for her bad attitude. Nina admits that she feels that she was set up by the other girls to fail. Ru asks if her paranoia is an ongoing theme. Oh my… Red flags. But damn her for her singular mascara stained tear dripping down her face. Be still, my heart!

Farrah Moan: Michelle: too much highlighter. Meghan says that even with her turqoise hair, she couldn’t find her in the musical. Toddrick “Disappointing”

Shea: They lived for her this week. I did, too. Obviously the top of the week.

After deliberations, Ru calls the girls back out to the stage. The Winner is Shea! It could’ve been Alexis but her Faux Fur was a faux pas. Shea speaks to Ru like a person: “You look so good tonight it’s damn near sinful.” I love her confidence, bitch!

Peppermint and Alexis are safe.

The bottom three are Nina, Farrah and Cucu. I was gripping my seat. I was sure Nina was lip syncing because the attitude. It’s kinda scary. But, the judges did it right! The bottom two are Farrah and Cucu

The Lip Sync

Passionate performance by both the girls of Meghan Trainor’s “Woman Up.” But, now that I’ve seen Farrah lip sync, I only have one thing to say: Nope. Not that Cucu is Alyssa Edwards but Farrah dances like she’s about to have jizz poured all over her.

The song ends, and I’m sure Farrah is going to be called forward. But, Ru is called off set by a producer. When she returns, Eureka is called forward. Because of her knee injury, Ru cannot let her continue in the competition. Farrah has just become the most lucky contestant ever.

“You are loved here.”

Ru assures Eureka that she has a standing invitation to come back for Season 10!

I think Drag Race justwasn’t ready for a big girl to win.

Next!

RPDR Season 9 Episode 3 Recap: Dragily Ever After or #KnowYourStrengths

EP 3 RECAP!! —- OOH. Really quick. The first two episode recaps are on The Authentic Gay!! Please visit and give it some love. —– Hallelu, and hello hello hello, ladies and gays! The competition has now really started! One queen down. Last time, Jaymes Mansfield was eliminated in a lackluster lip sync battle to […]

EP 3 RECAP!!

—-

OOH. Really quick. The first two episode recaps are on The Authentic Gay!! Please visit and give it some love.

—–

Hallelu, and hello hello hello, ladies and gays!

The competition has now really started! One queen down. Last time, Jaymes Mansfield was eliminated in a lackluster lip sync battle to B-52’s “Love Shack” against Kimora Blac. It’s early on in the season, and it still seems too obvious who the tops and bottoms are.

However, it’s not obvious not to all of queens themselves… Continue reading “RPDR Season 9 Episode 3 Recap: Dragily Ever After or #KnowYourStrengths”